.....

It's been a year now since I have not posted,though I wrote many blogs in my mind but never sat back and posted.Thoughts I tell you evaporate so fast that you do not even realize .I am glad that finally I have something very important today which is required for writing: mood.

I am truly amazed at those people who are able to choose and decide for themselves,what is right and wrong?What is it that they actually want?After meeting the nth guy(have stopped keeping track of numbers now) today I still do not know what am I looking for?I mean even after everything being there in the person something is missing,that something I have been trying to find out for past three years now giving my parents sleepless nights and they like the world's most understanding parents are making me meet people one after the other.The surprising thing is that every time they understand my point of view and move ahead without saying anything.They might not be able to express what their weird daughter wants but they are still there with her.

Not marrying is not an option, but experiencing the same feeling again and again with different people I cant tell how suffocating it gets from within.I have known people who knew whom they wanted to settle down with and left no stone unturned to make it happen.The point is,they knew he was the one!Even after experiencing the magic I am unsure.It gets difficult to live with your own being.

Should I give in?Or like a fairy tale I should expect some magic.Or there is nothing like magic you have to make it happen as nobody is perfect neither am I.One thing is sure we want our life partner to be one up than us!This is as brutally honest as I can get....ciao...Hitakshi

Dialogue of the post:If you ever have to compromise in life,do that with me coz at least I'll be happy then,as you've already made me an option-Anonymous

Two Timing

Although I am not the right person to write on this topic but still this word is with me for past few days.Relationships is one topic me which never stops to surprise me and I find them too intriguing.'Two-timing'...I have heard this word from many people and I know who have faced this.Also side by side I am yhen remembering the words of a person whose views were,'Why do you think we cannot love more than one person at a time?It is as normal as it is.Yes I mean two people at a time in that sense only.'I had no words to answer him to this and I still dont have.

And a few weeks back Times Life had covered a write up on people being comfortable with their spouse having another partner.This would be an open arrangement,the nice thing about this is that you are not cheating on your partner. People who two , do they think that their partner is so dumb that they wont get to know,what surprises me more is Do they love both or they do not love anyone?Is it a time pass?These things look pretty normal in colleges where people enter into relationships casually but 25-26 year old people doing this just for the sake of fun,Its a bit a too much.At this age, the person you would have been seeing for sometime would be planning to settle down with you and suddenly you get to know that there is someone else.I am not trying to judge the character of such people but why do they do it ?Is it so difficult to be truthful?Or Can you actually love two people in the same sense at the same time?

For everything which I am not able to understand I try to enter that situation.Can I fall for two people at one time?What if my partner also loves someone else?
Answer1-No
Answer2-Sorry we cannot be together,you love someone else,it means I could not give enough love also if I am giving my 100% why should I get 50%.I will always remember youand will miss you terribly at times but we cannot be together for sure.

And all those go through this situation would have different ways of handling it,but I still cant understand ek saath do logon se pyar kaise ????

Babes!

I want to write about lots of things today...dont know where to start from.I have a question... from whom....from God I think....why do you need to send people with troubles to somebody who cannot do anything about those troubles.It is such a bad feeling when one is not able to do anything but listen.People go through tsunamis in their lives and I keep wondering at their endurance,they still smile,try to lead a normal life God only knows what goes on their heart.And there is one me who feels so helpless listening to their woes.I wish I had some srength to do something about it but no I can do nothing.I have seen her go through so much health wise and career wise and friends' behaviour wise and she still bears it all without any bitterness or complaints.
Why are you testing her so much??I cant see her like this anymore.Its enough she has seen enough... get her life back to normal.Finish her exam now........please.

A tribute to my kiney

It started in one kick today,it was really surprising!Everytime I kick my Kiney and the moment it starts I thank my MBA days' friends who taught me to kick it and put it on straight stand.There are some posessions you have which you can treat the way you want them to.My kiney is one of them,its breaks are just right enough to save you from banging into something,its horn is not working(I blame it on rainy season paani chala gaya hoga),its indicators work on their sweet will,thankfully there is nothing wrong with the headlight.
'Why dont you get it repaired'?
Me:No it is fine I know how to handle it.
'It will give up some day'.
Me:I'll manage it,I know it.
At 25 I dont feel like driving it anymore.It reminds me of being a college girl,which I am not anymore...why in this world am I writing about my Kiney?Everyone would have their personal vehicles these days ...but it has some really sweet memories attached to it.God I think about shwetz' kiney which we made total khatara in 2 years,I cant even recall how many times it stopped due to lack of fuel and everytime we had to request some class guy to fetch some petrol for us.I clearly remember how many times my graduatiion days' friends taught me to put it on straight stand but I could never learn the technique in three long years and every winter morning my dad would scold me for buying Kiney and not Honda Activa as I asked him to kick start it for me.It sounds funny now but I used be really irritated then listening to it on one hand and getting late for the cost accounts tuition.
And I cant forget the day when one of my aunty bought me an uncle type half face helmet for Rs.350 expecting me to wear it while driving,it perfectly suited my boy cut then.I looked really ugly then.
Even I dont know why am I wrting all this,all I know is its making me smile and laugh a bit at times,whenever I am sitting idle I dont from where n when such ages old sweet little things enter my head.

Something About Nothing

She wanted to meet him.Why?She never thought about it.Actually she knew the answer but never gave it much attention.And one fine day they met.She said a meek Hi to which he did not respond.She knew by meeting her he was doing her a favor but never expected him to make her realise this with his behavior.She was getting kind of numb and was trembling a bit when they met.She thought probably he was also going through the same state.She noticed his face was expressionless.No smile, no warmth in his eyes as if he was under some obligation.
They spoke about everything but themselves.That short meeting got over soon.And he said Bye to her,it was the driest 'Bye' she had ever heard in her life.She replied and went away.
She was surprised at the illusion she had of him and the real him.She had always thought of him as a courteous guy,though he was so but far away from her image of his.She was aware of her misbehaviors and thought probably she deserved such behaviorfrom him.For a moment she kept herself at his place and thought that she would have never left her basic warmth.
She was disturbed not because of difference in real him and the image but coz she had lost her friend of illusion for good,that image which understood her completely and accepted her the way she was.She was doubting her sense of judgement about others.Then her cell beeped'It was a pleasure meeting you.'
This statement teased her,coz she knew it was sheer lie, a statement said for the sake of saying without meaning it.She did not respond,she was leaving that alien city and was leaving much more behind her, a person whom she was so fond of,whom she treated as she wished,was an illusion,mere illusion.
She was not sad but numb which was her most natural state in ecstacy and pain.She left and he remained as inexpressive as he always was.

Money

I spend one whole night listening to 200 customers' queries/problems/anger over phone and then earn this Rs. 300 drink,and that sonuvab**** has bought it out of his super rich dad's money,he does not know its worth.-Vroom-One night @ call center.

'Atlas shrugged' also had some nice things to say about money,'it is a reward for your efforts'.If you are working for some company,there must be some moments when you ask yourself,' why am I here?Is this what I wanted to do?I wonder til when can I cary on like this'?And then you see your salary being credited to your account and you think about all the hard days you've had had the last month.How many days you had to sit late?How many annoyed customers you faced and tried to soothe them and loosing your own cool without letting them know.And suddenly all this seems bearable.That money makes up for everything.I have met certain people who behave as if money does not matter it is the work satisfaction/love for their work which matters,the hypocricy in their words astonishes me.An amateur can say these words but work satisfaction cannot be the sole aim of their work.

Have you ever heard of that adage,'the person who has lent you money never forgets'.How true it is because money is the only thing which you expect directly after your efforts, be it a labour or a CEO of a company,it is the first and the closest thing that belongs to you. And if you give it to someone else(not speaking about gifts/philanthropy) you are giving them your return for the hardest moments you faced,therefore you remember that you had given it to him.It is ironical that it is considered mannerless to ask for your own money from someone who had borrowed.

When you try to bargain,or want to buy stuff during off season you are looked down upon.I wonder why?If you can get the same stuff for a lesser amount by a little effort then why not?I am being very blunt here but in real life situations demand you to behave accordingly but inside you your heart keeps saying,' Hey you were not gifted this on a platter you EARNED it'.

In pursuit of Happiness

Ask anybody,'Do you want to be happy?'and the answer would come yes ofcourse who doesnt?And what are you doing to get that happiness?Mmmmmm.....many people wont have a clear cut answer to this.
I think about the last scene of 'Luck by chance' where the protagonist says,'Everyday i leave my house to do a work which makes me happy, i wonder how many people can say that, i have chosen a path of happiness.'A few days back i did something which i felt i should have done years back,its outcome was zero but it was a step towards something which could 've made me happy.I regret the fact that i take ages in deciding on things, that i took so long to realise things and most importantly for holding on to a thing for so long without doing anything about it.
And I think about a few people who are always in high spirits not just externally but internally too.There are no volcanoes errupting,there is no uneasiness,there is no misery nothing only full control over themselves.It is high time i come out of this unhappy state,its high time i accept facts as they are,its high time i let you go,its high time i MOVE ON towards a happier state of mind.
Hitakshi